You Have Been Playing A Version Of Yourself Nobody Asked For

A time will come when you have to decide who you are going to be, really. Not tomorrow necessarily, not on some dramatic day when everything falls apart and things like that. It might happen during an ordinary conversation with someone you love. You see, someone might expect you to agree with them, or laugh at something you do not find funny, or live according to an idea of you that you thought you no longer believe in. And suddenly, you will have a choice. You can make them happy, or you can tell the truth. You can protect the image they have of you, or you can finally stop pretending to be someone you are not. That moment might last only a few seconds, but what you do in those seconds can determine how you spend the next 10 years of your life. Really, I'm not joking. What we choose matters a lot more than what we do with our choices. It is important that we see it, because here is something we rarely think about: we spend so much time worrying about what people think of us that we forget to ask a much more important question. What do we think about ourselves when nobody's watching? Forget about God, Goddesses, Guru, ashram, all those things that are known. What do you think about yourself when nobody's watching? You see, the crowd gives you a name, but only silence gives you a self. The crowd can tell you what you are, but only silence can tell you who you are. It is important to spend time in solitude and silence and figure out who you are, and not spend time in this pathetic drama that is created by the society. I'm not saying abandon it. I'm only saying see it as it is.

Think about how you behave around different people. You speak one way with your friends, another way with your family, and perhaps an entirely different way around someone whose approval you desperately want. You adjust your opinions. You hide certain interests. You laugh when you do not want to laugh. Sometimes you even agree with those people whose behavior you privately dislike or despise. Right? Why? Because somewhere along the way, you have learned that being accepted was safer than being honest. Look how pathetic we are all living. What kind of society is that, if truth is being punished? Somewhere along the way, we all learned that being safer was more important than being honest. And honesty, you see — and honesty, it makes sense. When we are young, we depend on other people for love, security, and belonging, right? We learn what makes people happy, what makes them angry, and what gets us rejected, and so on and so on. Before we even understand ourselves, we begin learning how to present ourselves in a way that other people approve of. Are you seeing what I'm saying? So, every child learns to be loved before learning to be real. How stupid we are all becoming. Every child learns to be loved before learning to be real. The problem is that a habit developed in childhood can quietly become a prison in adulthood. Really, you grow up, you become financially independent — you came, sorry — you can make your own decisions and so on and so on. You can go wherever you want, right? Yet when somebody disapproves of you, something inside you still reacts as though your survival depends on winning them back. It has happened to all of us, right? You are no longer that child who needs everyone's approval. But emotionally, you may still be living as though you are. And this is where things become uncomfortable. This is where things become interesting also.

The more you are liked for who you are not, the more alone you become. This is something that we all must see. The more you are liked for who you are not, the more alone you become. Read that again, or hear that again, because it explains something many people experience but struggle to understand. You can have friends, no problem. You can receive compliments, no problem. Get invited to parties and have hundreds of people interested in your life. Yet you can still feel that nobody really knows you. Of course, they do not. Even the closest beloved can know you well, but not all of you. Even their tears won't come — or the tears won't reach you — when you leave this body and mind. Of course, they do not. You have shown them the version of yourself that you thought they would like. You have given them your agreeable opinions, your entertaining stories, your carefully selected truths. You have made yourself easy to accept. But where were you in all of that? Do you think about it? The real opinions you swallowed — where are they? The dreams you never mentioned — where are they? The things you wanted to say but kept quiet because you were afraid somebody might misunderstand you. Right? Those parts of you are still there. And the longer you hide them, the more difficult it becomes to understand why being surrounded by people does not necessarily make you feel connected to them. A mask is a small death worn daily, whether you like it or not, or believe it or not. Not because changing your behavior around different people is always wrong. I'm not trying to say that we don't naturally behave differently in different situations. You do not speak to your employee exactly the way you speak to your closest friend, right? Everybody has their place. And there is nothing dishonest about that. I'm not trying to say, go to your boss and — sorry — go to your boss and be like, "Hey dude, what's up?" I'm not trying to say that. The problem begins when adaptation becomes self-abandonment. Are you seeing what I'm saying? When you cannot express an opinion because somebody might dislike you, you're no longer simply being considerate. You are allowing their possible reaction to determine what you are permitted to think, say, and do. Eventually, you become very good at being the person everybody wants you to be. And you become increasingly unfamiliar with the person you actually are. Then one day, you might look at your life and realize that almost everything you have chosen was chosen to avoid disappointing somebody, or everybody: your career, your relationships, your behavior, perhaps even your dreams. You might have a life that looks successful from the outside, but if you had to live it without receiving a single compliment, would you still want it? That is a difficult question — and most real question — and it is worth asking.

Because I'm not telling you to become rude. I'm not trying to be pathetic here. I'm not trying to say become selfish or indifferent to other people's feelings. There is nothing courageous about hurting people simply because you refuse to consider their feelings. Okay? So, being yourself is not performance for others, but a refusal to perform. Being yourself is not a performance to others, but a refusal to perform. You must keep this in your mind. You do not have to announce your honesty to everybody. You do not need to turn every disagreement into an argument. You do not need to — you know — approve your independence by rejecting every suggestion. Sometimes, being yourself means listening carefully and changing your mind because somebody has shown you something you did not understand. At other times, it means standing quietly by a decision that nobody around you supports. So, as simple as that, you see — leave all this entertainment.

Now, coming to the main message. You are that awareness on which the entire drama of life is happening. This is the truth. Whether you like it or not, or believe it or not, whether you follow religion or get fooled by religion, whether you follow God or get fooled by God, does not matter. Because the one who is getting fooled is a creation of mind. It's an — I would not call it illusion. I would say it's an appearance. It appears to exist but does not exist at the same time. You are this — you are that pure, unblemished, self-aware reality on which the entire drama of — boss — life — supposed difference, drama, illusion, ignorance, wisdom — all these things exist. And this is the truth. All that is needed is to simply do what is needed at the moment and leave the rest. Don't hold on to any expectations, and turn your mind within. Sit in solitude and silence at least for 10 minutes every day and contemplate on who you actually are. Then wisdom will come. And the truth is that wisdom is already there. All that is required of you is to see it. That's all. Then you'll understand that there's nothing else apart from awareness. All those things that are known are only an appearance on it.

Somebody might ask a question: then how do you know about the awareness? Here's the point. I do not know — I am the awareness. I am awareness. There's a difference between knowing and being. You see, that is why I call it the self-aware reality, because it is self-aware. It is self-luminous. The reality that I'm pointing out does not need our mind to know that it exists. It is aware of its own existence. It's like the sun. It does not need another light to see that it exists. Right? It is self-luminous. Similarly, that awareness that I'm pointing out is self-luminous. If you doubt me, turn on your mind within and figure out for yourself. Figure it out for yourself. Then you'll understand that there was never anything apart from awareness. That's it.

Ultimately, I will conclude my speech by saying: follow the message, not the messenger. You are the self-aware reality which is the substratum of all, whether you like it or not, or believe it or not. Thank you.